See Me... Being My Own Road Block

It's been almost three weeks since I've posted my last post and it's because I found myself in a little funk. Why? After celebrating my 30 pound weight loss, my doctor called to let me know that I was still in the pre-diabetic range. Talking about knocking the air out of my sail. And on top of that, I found myself in an emotional funk dealing with relationships in my life.

For two weeks, I found myself in a state of HUGE disappointment. While I know that the process to becoming a healthier me wasn't going to be easy, I wasn't expecting to hear those words. Even as I shared my results with those closest to me, I received mass words of encouragement. From family, co-workers, friends, and associates, everyone was pushing me to keep going, don't lose hope, practice what I had just posted and use B.S. (breath then smile).

Moment of transparency: I couldn't make myself do it! I knew what I needed to do and what I shouldn't have done; however, I became my own road block. Eating things that I shouldn't have. Not keeping up with my workout routine (I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks). 

The result: I gained back 4 pounds of the weight I loss.

What now? Now, I stop acting like a baby and get back on the pathway to a healthier me. Now I reverse the damage I've done and continue on to losing my next 10 pounds and NOW, I STOP BEING MY OWN ROAD BLOCK!

To everyone who has pushed and encourage me, believe me it has not been in vain. I know that I must become strict on myself in order to beat this thing. I refuse to become a prisoner to diabetes and I refuse to become a prisoner to self-doubt and fear.

I WILL OVERCOME THIS ROAD BLOCK IN MY LIFE AND IN 30 DAYS BE A LIGHTER ME.

I'm not giving up on myself so I'm asking all of you, Don't Give Up On Me!!

See Me Accomplish My Next Goal Using B.S.

Hello family & friends,

My heart is extremely happy right now. Last Friday, I went to the doctor for my 6 month check-up since being diagnosed as pre-diabetic. He greeted me with a high five because I had lost 30 pounds since they originally saw me and 11 of those pounds had been in the last month. I am still waiting on my lab results but the doctor felt due to how much weight I had lost that I would be out of the pre-diabetic range.

I left the doctor's appointment and ran some errands with my sister & best friend, Karla, and we made a stop at Old Navy. I haven't been able to shop in Old Navy since 2001. However, feeling real good and confident about my recent weight loss, I decided to see how close I was to being able to shop in a "regular" store again.

After trying on several items and purchasing two, it is with great pleasure that I can share that I can fit an XXL in Old Navy, which is a 16/18.

This great news and these feelings have inspired me to push to lose my next 10 pounds towards my remaining 70 pounds that I want to lose. So I reached out to my dear friend and fitness expert, Calvin Williams for more motivation.

This week, he's motivating me to use B.S. to get to MY NEXT LEVEL.....

B.S. - What's Your Definition?

We all face adversity, whether it be with our jobs, personal lives or with health-related obstacles. How you deal with these issues will ultimately define your future success. I like to think of the abbreviation "B.S."

Now you probably know what the most common use for this abbreviation is but that is in a negative context and describes anger, frustration and ultimately gets you no positive direction. I've come up with a simple alternative using this same abbreviation that can help you take a positive direction when facing adversity.... Breathe then Smile (B.S.)

Next time your boss at work calls you out for an error that you've made and you think, "That's B.S."...well take that negative energy and flip it... Breathe then Smile and fix the error and look at it as you learned what not to do the next time. 

Next time you feel you are not appreciated in your relationship and you think, "This is some B.S." flip that negative energy... Breathe then Smile and go buy tickets to a comedy show for you and your significant other and share a laugh together.

When you hit a plateau in your exercise program and can't lose those last few pounds or you can't crack the starting lineup for the team you play for and you think, "Man that's that B.S." ...flip that negative energy... Breathe then Smile and realize that anything worth having is worth working hard for. Crank up your training and practice to another level challenging yourself to new levels, so that 10 pounds lost is just the goal you will pass on the way to 20. So that goal of cracking into the starting lineup is just a part of becoming an all-conference player.

As humans we are encompassed by our thoughts and beliefs, meaning you usually believe the things that you think. Then what you believe usually becomes reality...so if you think a situation is B.S. in a traditional meaning, it ultimately will become that. 

If you think you might fail, you probably will. So why not change your own thought process and when you think something is B.S... Take time to Breathe and think how you can become successful then Smile once you realize that you "can", no matter what adversity you have faced. 

Take the power back of a potentially negative situation, flip it in a positive manner by first Breathing then Smiling...Control your thoughts and beliefs and they will manifest into your reality!

In Warmest Regards,

CW

See Me... In My 6 Month Check-Up (Pictures Included)

April 2012 - Right after being diagnosed as Pre-diabetic

   

6 Months later - October 17, 2012

Hello all, I woke up this morning unsure of what I would post today. While at work I looked at the calendar and realized it had been exactly 6 months since my visit to my primary care doctor on April 17, 2012 and I knew then what I would share. To help me with this 6 month check-up post, I asked one of my biggest supporters, my co-worker Tommye, if she would take a picture of me today because I wanted to compare it to the picture she took of me in April at a company event. Can you see it?

If you've been reading my blog since day one in April, you know this journey hasn't been easy for me. My diagnosis came at major transitions in my life which was a fight for me. I had to learn not to find comfort in foods that previously brought me at a temporary peaceful place. 

The second thing I had to deal with was learning to make myself a priority and not letting my schedule and assignments hinder me from taking care of myself whether through exercise or diet. While this is still a work in progress, I am doing a whole lot better.

The third thing I've dealt with is my emotions. A lot of times, they were the cause of my own setbacks. Whether it was feeling like love wouldn't find me because of the way I looked, being self-conscious of where I had allowed myself to get to, and being frustrated that I couldn't conquer this battle like I had succeeded at everything else in my life.

One thing I am CONFIDENT in 6 months later is, I AM IN A BETTER PLACE IN MY LIFE. God doesn't make junk and even though I'm still single, I AM HAPPY! I've LET GO of emotional baggage that I didn't realize I was carrying or that I thought I had previously let go.

I still have a ways to go before I get to my destination but I will keep pressing forward. I am looking forward to the pictures I will post in the next 6 months. Until then, I'm working on my next 10 pounds. 

Thank you to all my supporters and those who offered words of encouragement. I literally feel your presence when I need it most and some of you I can hear when I'm tempted to give up during my workout or eat the snack I really don't need.

Whatever your journey or passage is in life, PLEASE make the first step to getting to a better and happier you. Set a goal and make it happen...

"Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible" ~ Tony Robbins

See Me Through My Reflection (Video Attached)

On Oct. 6, 2012, I worked as the Production Manager for the 20th Anniversary Women's Only 5K Walk & Run. This fundraising event raises money for the Mammography Scholarship Fund, which provides free mammograms to women without insurance or who cannot afford the life-saving test.

For the last couple of years, I have either participated in the race or volunteered and last year I was a public relations intern and worked the event as a media relations representative. Earlier this year, I became a full-time employee of the Cone Health marketing department. This department is responsible for organizing this wonderful event and it gave me a more hands-on involvement from beginning to end.

On today, my dear friend Henreka (remember her from previous posts?), found a picture of me in the background from this year's race and it made me go back and look at previous years.

Since I've began this journey of total wellness, especially physically, I have heard so many people tell me that they can see a difference. However, I could never fully see what they saw, until today. Which ironically, was much needed. I spoke to a friend, Rodney, last night who works in fitness about my desire to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month and his suggestion, "Stop saying you're going to lose and START saying, I need to lose" By saying NEED, it will become a mental priority for me and then I will take action. I started today saying, "I NEED", by the middle of my day a trip down memory lane added MOTIVATION TO GET ME MOVING, and by the end of my day, I found myself in the gym TAKING ACTION!

Are you curious of my trip down memory lane and how it motivated me to move from I NEED to I WILL? 

Here's what I am calling my OWN Women's Only Milestones....

I look forward to hearing your feedback, I'm working on losing my next 10 pounds so your words are MUCH NEEDED!!

Thanks for all your love and support,

~ LaWanda

Month of "The Survivor"

Hello all,

This will not be a long post but I want to keep my promise of posting a message every week, I didn't want to mess up my first week. 

This month is about acknowledging Breast Cancer Awareness and Domestic Abuse Awareness. Both of these two things have taken many women and men away from this earth. I know plenty of women who have survived both. Some were able to fight and win in the beginning and some fought to make it out in the end. Some with severe scars and others with regained strength and beauty that you would never know what hell they've been through.

It is the very strength and fight of these women that have inspired me in my own journey to total wellness. I know that you, my dear friends and family, will also gain inspiration in these stories.

I will use this month to recognize and honor these women who have survived both diseases. So if you or someone you know are a survivor of either, please contact me. This month is about you and your journey to wholeness.

Remember, YOUR TEST CAN BECOME YOUR TESTIMONY!

See Me... With Peace Through the Process & Not Cancer

It has been a while since I've last written, exactly one month and one day. It hasn't been because I've given up, it was because I couldn't think of anything to write about, not to say, things have been grand.

Since I've last written, I've gotten back into being motivated in working out consistently. Wait for it.......
I've lost another 5 pounds, making my total weight loss since April, 28 pounds!!

The last 5 pounds were not easy because my work load increased at work, my involvement in church increased and I went through something scary with my health. So now, you might be asking yourself, LaWanda what does your blog title have to do with your weight loss milestone?

Not too long after I began blogging, my emotional journey became my hardest journey. Based on the increase number of those who read my emotional posts, I'm not the only one who is on a tough emotional journey. However, several months ago I heard the words, "Peace Through the Process". At the time, I was at a good place. I had decided to work on restoring a relationship with my dad, I decided to no longer invest my time in a relationship that was meaningless, and I was in a comfortable place in executing God's vision for my life.

Fast forward to Sept. 6 and I wake up with a really bad earache in my left ear, on Sept. 7 it's in both ears and my throat is sore. I make an appointment with my primary care doctor and she tells me that I have a double ear infection and my right thyroid is enlarged. [Side note: She is very impressed that I have lost 23 pounds since my visit in April.] She immediately sends me to have a CT Scan done of my neck. Less than an hour later, she calls to tell me that indeed my thyroid is enlarged and she wants me to have an ultrasound done. Two days later, I have an ultrasound done and it shows a 4.5 cm lump on my thyroid, which she describes as the size of a golf ball and she's concerned because it could be cancer. She refers me to an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor for a biopsy.

I have lost several family members to various kinds of cancer in the last year and a half, so this could have did me in, but it didn't. Instead, I found PEACE THROUGH THE PROCESS. My family, friends, and co-workers held me in prayer and made sure I was okay.

Three days later, I went to see the ENT for a consultation and unexpectedly, he decided to go ahead and do the biopsy. Here I am, sitting in the exam room by myself (because I thought it was just a consultation) with no family or friends and yet, I found PEACE THROUGH THE PROCESS. He completes the VERY painful biopsy and tells me he will call with the results in two days.

I go through the weekend and attend a blood drive at my church on Saturday, teach children's ministry on Sunday and besides people asking me about the spot on my neck, I don't think about the fact that I am waiting to hear whether the lump on my thyroid is cancerous... PEACE THROUGH THE PROCESS. It is actually 6 days before I hear from the doctor that the lump isn't cancer and he DOES NOT have to do surgery. (Yes, you read that right, 6 WHOLE DAYS & I WAS STILL AT PEACE)

Since that time, the meaningless relationship tries to renew itself, which I still deny. I find out that my dad is moving away, which is bittersweet and yet I still find PEACE THROUGH THE PROCESS and lose the 5 additional pounds.

One reason I share this story is because with all that I went through in the last 3 weeks, I did not retreat to my old habits of turning to food especially junk food and carbs and I did not give up going to the gym.

If you are on a personal journey to a healthier mind, body and soul the key is do not give up, fight and find PEACE THROUGH THE PROCESS!

See Me... Be A USER!!

I posted right before I left for vacation and I shared with you that I had lost 23 pounds.  I am happy to say I came back from vacation STILL weighing 23 pounds lighter.  I must admit I was a little nervous considering how fresh the food was in West Palm Beach, FL.  However, being true to who you are as my family and friends, you still held me accountable.  I received a text from a very, very good friend Henreka saying, "You bet not come back one pound heavier than when you left." (Believe me, she was not playing!)

So with that in mind, I took to walking on the beach or swimming lapses in the pool, which wore my tail out. However, it kept me accountable which kept me in check.

Now that I've been back, I'm having to refocus and re-motivate to get back into a routine. To help me get to that point, I reached out to a fellow public relations peer at NC A&T and Aggie Alum, Calvin T. Williams, Jr.  

Calvin is the founder and managing director of Explosive Training & Sports Management, LLC in Raleigh, NC.  The organization markets, manages, and trains professionals and aspiring professional athletes. Calvin spent four years playing professional arena football. He organizes athletic training sessions to assist athletes in strength, condition, speed, and agility. Check him out at: www.the-etsm.com .

Read how he breaks healthy living into four parts with the Acronym USER :

1) UNDERSTAND- "The challenge you will face."

• Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will the perfect body. It is good to seek out professional consultations, so that your goals can be realistically assessed and realistic time tables can be established. Once this has been done you can begin setting short term goals to help you get on the way to your long term goal. (Winning battles is ultimately what helps you win the war) 

2) SURROUND- "Yourself with support systems"

• No matter how motivated you are, you WILL face adversity, bumps in the road and challenges that seem impossible to overcome. Here is where having people that support and believe in you come in handy. Not only will you feel great that someone wishes to see you succeed, you become re-energized and get right back on your path to success.

3) EMBRACING-"Lifestyle change & Eliminating Negativity"

• It took a lifetime to learn the bad habits, so realize that unlearning them is not going to just happen because you decided to live healthy now. The most unsuccessful people that wish to lose weight are those that "diet". However, those that make small changes in HOW they eat, achieve long term success. It can be as simple as replacing unhealthy snacks with healthy snacks and drinking more water this month. Then as you get more comfortable, learn portion control, how to read food labels, structuring meals based around proteins, carbs and "good fats" and so on. Do you know how a fit persons body and an unfit persons body uses sugar is totally different? Fit people's bodies use sugar for energy as opposed to unfit people's body that use sugar as (for lack of better words) a poison. Something to use as motivation when working out that you can actually reward yourself with sweets (in moderation) the more fit you are! 

• The less negative individuals you surround yourself with the more positive your outlook of life will become. Because all the people that point out all the negative aspects of everything will no longer be around! Lets face it, life has ups and downs but who needs the person around that is telling you why you can't do something, we all need the person around that tells us we CAN do something. Just remember the saying, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right!" So subtract the negative Neds and Nancys from your life and add in the positive Paul and Patricia.

4) REMEMBER- "Why you wish to accomplish your goal"

• This is the most important motivating factor, the emotional "why" that triggers your want to achieve a health-related goal. After many years in fitness and health settings, I found it hard to relate to people that quit, didn't stay consistent or never started their health/nutrition plans. As I talked with and learned more about people I began to realize that most were forgetting the emotion that sparked their interest in changing. Well, think about that emotion each day, whether it's wanting to look good at the class reunion, trying to attract a person you are interested in, or the doctor told you that you are at risk for diabetes and it scared you. When you consider the emotion that made you want to change and why each time you go to a gym, order a meal, get up late at night for a snack, it will motivate you to make wiser choices and continue striving for your ultimate goal.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and if you are a USER of the methods described above, you can and will see the light shining bright at the end of that tunnel!

See Me... Through Symbolic Change

For weeks, I have been talking to my mom and my best friend, Karla about some changes I have been experiencing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.


The changes were for a desire to have a closer relationship with God, to be in a whole relationship with someone and not compromise my values, and to get a clear mental picture of my life purpose.


Between the two of them, I was constantly showered with words of encouragement.  Then one day this week, my mom said something that just clicked for me and I was at peace. She let me know that God would allow my husband to find me, once he had established me where he wanted me.


In sharing this with my best friend, we agreed that because I care and love hard, if I was in a relationship, I would find myself distracted from what God has been doing with me and through me. The next day while sitting in my car before work, I noticed a dragonfly that kept hovering around my car. I decided to look up the symbolism.

Dragonfly - maturity and a depth of character.

Symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self-realization, and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.

So, as you can see, this journey to a better me physically has also become a journey to a mature complete woman.

Oh, by the way, I'm down 23 pounds and a couple clothes sizes.  I am leaving in a few hours headed to West Palm Beach, FL to celebrate!!!!

I am enjoying this journey even if it has come with tears...

Until next time,

       LaWanda

See Me...Through Two Relationships

It has been more than a month since I last posted and believe me, you have not let me slide.  I've heard from my friends and friends of friends have said it has been too long.  My post hasn't been delayed because I had forgotten or was being lazy.  It was because I found myself torn on what to write.  However, much encouragement from my friends and several messages I've listened to have help me to guide my thoughts and post a message that I hope will be encouraging to someone.


Those closest to me know that for years I haven't had the best relationship with my dad.  For various reasons, our relationship suffered to achieve the closeness we once had when I was younger. This lack of closeness never caused me to love him any less or disrespect him.  He is my father and regardless of what roadblocks and struggles were placed in our path, I love and respect him.  Eventually, I came to a place in my life where I asked God to fix me and my heart, if the relationship couldn't be mended.  God did just that!!


Last month, I went down to my paternal grandparent's town for the family reunion and on my way back home I stopped to see my dad.  While visiting my dad, he asked me how I felt about our relationship. Even though we had these conversations before, I just felt something was different this time. After I expressed how I felt, a part of me wasn't sure if the conversation would turn out differently.


A week later I received a phone call from my aunt that my dad was being rushed to the hospital and later she called to let me know they were performing emergency surgery.  My dad has had several surgeries in the past, which I would pray for him but due to our relationship, I wouldn't go home. This time felt differently. This time I decided to go home.


In less than 24 hours my dad had to have two emergency surgeries and before he went into the second surgery, I was able to pray for him. It was during this prayer that I felt God begin to restore. A week after his surgery, he went home and I went back to stay with him for a night and we enjoyed time watching television together and talking.


Meanwhile, as God was restoring this relationship, he was guiding me to end ties with a male relationship/friendship that wasn't benefiting me. It was going nowhere and he wasn't growing, so I decided to remove him from my phone and free myself to be open to what God truly has for me in WHOLE relationships.


I shared this moment in my life in hopes that whoever reads this post will find peace in relationships that God wants to restore and those he wants to end. 


I was listening to a message titled, 'Live on Purpose' by T.D. Jakes.  In the message he states don't waste time into putting your efforts and energy into things that aren't escalating your destiny. No need investing all your energy into people or things that aren't a part of your purpose.


So, I decided to sever the ties to a purposeless relationship and put my efforts and energy into mending a purposeful relationship. Malachi 4:6, "And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..."

See Me... In My Setback

As you can see, it's been three weeks since I've posted.  Believe me, people have been holding me accountable for taking so long to post.  Why haven't I posted in three weeks?  I HAD A SETBACK!


In the last three weeks, I had major projects I was working on between work and church.  And true to the person I'm trying to transform from, I let those projects become priority over me.  So, in the last three weeks, I have only been to the gym twice.  I didn't overeat but I sure had some things that I had previously given up (chocolate cookies from Zoe's).


What has this taught me?  I HAVE A WHOLE LOT MORE WORK TO DO.  I haven't stepped on the scale because I'm too scared to see if my setback has carried over into my numbers.  I can say this though, I haven't become discouraged or lost my motivation, which says a lot for where I have come from.


One thing that has sparked me to get back on my routine this week is a book I'm reading, "Successful Women Think Differently" by Valorie Burton.  Instead of chapters, the book is broken down by habits.   This week, I was reading Habit 4: Build Your Muscle of Self-Control.  


In reading this chapter, I learned two things about myself or maybe I should say I accepted two things about myself (because I was aware of these things but hadn't accepted them enough to make a change) I lack discipline and self-control when it comes to my journey of healthy living.


Are you asking, "LaWanda, aren't those the same thing?"  Let's see....


According to the author, Discipline is consistency in addition to perseverance.  It is about setting a goal and sticking with it repeatedly through obstacles and setbacks, disappointments and frustrations.  It is the ability to take specific action day in and day out- and it ultimately leads to the results you are hoping for.


Self-Control is the ability in the heat of the moment to resist temptation or embrace that which will move you in the right direction.


In the last three weeks, I lacked both.  I didn't persevere through the obstacles I faced to make myself get up and go to the gym and I didn't practice self-control when I ate high carb items and sweets when I'm trying to fight having diabetes.  This is just me being HONEST with myself.


OK, now that I'm being honest with myself, how do I fix it?  MORE ACCOUNTABILITY  I'm asking all of you, my family, friends and strangers to HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE.  When you haven't seen a blog post from me in a week, CALL ME OUT!  If you see me eating or drinking something I shouldn't, CALL ME OUT! And if you're curious if I've been working out like I should, CALL ME OUT!


The purpose of this blog is for me to be held to a higher accountability than I can hold myself.  As much as I would like to say, "I did this on my own", I CAN'T.  I NEED YOUR HELP....




The below key points out of Burton's book spoke tons to me, so I'm going to share them with you:

• Success is a harmony of service, happiness, and achievement.  Goal setting falls in the achievement category.  Happily successful women set inspired goals and move toward them. Happily successful women don't set goals, write them down, and then stuff them in a drawer.  They get busy taking action that will bring the goals to pass.
• You'll know an inspired goal by whether you feel led by it rather than dragged by it.
• Without purpose or passion, it is difficult to persevere.
• When you are inspired, your motivation comes from within.  You see the purpose behind your goal and that purpose fuels perseverance and passion.
• Be proactive about partnering with others.  Not only does it give you accountability, but you learn from one another, encourage one another, and celebrate together.
• Expect a challenge and determine to keep pressing forward.
• Remember there is often more to learn from failure than success, so when your journey to the goal line meets a hurdle, don't stop. JUMP! Keep pressing on.  The finish line lies just ahead.

See Me... Being Inspired

This process of sharing my journey to TOTAL wellness has been a wonderful experience.  Yes, it has been scary at some moments because of my desire to be so transparent (remember the pictures?).  However, the process has also been rewarding.  

Since starting this blog, I have had so many people share their personal journeys and the things that have inspired them.  Several people have started their own blogs after reading my stories.  It's a great thing to know that what started for me as a quest to REMOVE MY MASK and show the world the REAL ME, has become a MOVEMENT FOR TOTAL HEALING.

I will use today's post to share some of the words of encouragement and inspiration that I have received from other people.  Believe me, this is not all.  I will periodically post different ones to share with you.  I hope that as you read each one, you will also find inspiration.

Just to let you know, I do not take these words lightly.  It is these very words that pushed me when I felt like giving up on the elliptical or that stopped me in my tracks when I wanted something sweet that I didn't need.  It is YOUR words that helped me to LOSE 16 POUNDS in 40 DAYS and it will be your words and prayers that will help me to continue.

Enjoy these moments of inspiration...

From Kelley Tucker (co-worker at Cone Health)

My new motto is…’Yes, I can…” and then fill in the blank.

Yes I can do that spin class.

Yes I can walk away from the desserts.

Yes I can learn to like my body.

From Sheila Goodman (godmother)

My prayer is that as you go through this journey that the shalom of God be ever present and that regardless of the hurt you may have endured in the past, that you realize that God loves you so much, that if you were the only person on the face of earth, He would have died solely for you!!!!  Be encouraged and continue fighting the good fight of faith.  "Fear not, LaWanda.  It is the father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom".

From Dawn Martin (co-worker at Cone Health)

I am SO proud of you and admire you so much, LaWanda. What an excellent post.  I also love what you said about making this journey for YOU, not to be "wife material" or to please others. That is the only way we all succeed, to make it about our own personal health and growth as a person. You go, girl. I support you all the way.

From Crystal Greenidge (co-worker at Cone Health)

Hey Girl,

Just wanted to let you know I am SO proud of you. When I transferred to pro-fee in 2008. I remember you not driving at that time and you were in school or in the process of going back. Look at GOD you went from a regular employee(LOL) like me, went to Urgent Care I believe, then became a supervisor, finished your degree and now look at you. Most people can not find a position within their degree-shortly after they graduate—but GOD’s favor over your life. I can imagine how hard it might have been, and can continue to be. I pray and meditate on this often---in spite of myself, shortcomings & issues at times…BUT GOD’s grace & mercy keeps me, especially those tender mercies that are renewed every morning. I just had to stop and give Honor to whom Honor is due!!!

From Dr. Vanessa Cunningham-Ingram (former professor at NC A&T State University)

Thank you for sharing about your captivity and your deliverance. There is power in prayer. I see you now, and look forward to your later.

Blessings!
Leading In Front To Empower Dreamers,
Vanessa 

See Me...Emotionally

I said this blog would be about my journey to wellness-- mind, body and spirit.  I have shared my passage to physical wholeness and after what I experienced today, it is only fitting that I share my recent journey to emotional wholeness.


Since graduating in December 2011, I was anxious to find a job in my field of mass communications.  My prayer had been that I would get a job before graduation and when graduation came and went and I hadn't obtained that job yet, I started to get discouraged.  My family and friends continued to encourage me that it would happen.  Even with all of the encouragement as days turned into weeks and weeks into months and months into more months, I came to a place in my life of unrest.


In addition to that, changes were taking place around me that caused me to feel out of place.  Really close friends were getting jobs or working in their fields, getting married, having babies and starting new relationships, and I was feeling LOST in all of it.


Thanks to my spiritual upbringing I knew to begin to pray; however, I still was in a place of restlessness.  I began to cry myself to sleep, if I could fall to sleep.  I would be in the shower in the morning praying but  even that would end in a cry fest and still NO peace.


This finally turned into FRUSTRATION!!!  I was praying wholeheartedly, urgently and sincerely with NO comfort, MORE questions, and NO peace.  About a month ago, I went to lunch with my god-sister and best friend Karla and I shared with her what was on my heart and two words into sharing I burst into tears in the middle of this restaurant.  (Believe me, it wasn't pretty!)  After sharing with her, she began to encourage me and I felt better but I DIDN'T FEEL FREE.


Later that night I called my mother and a few words into the conversation, I broke down again.  I hadn't finished getting my thoughts out when my mother began encouraging me and then praying FOR me.  It was doing this prayer that I began to feel FREE.  I don't remember word for word the prayer but several things did stand out:

• She commanded the devil to loose his hold on my heart and emotions that made me feel ABANDONED, REJECTED & CONDITIONALLY LOVED.
• She spoke to that place in my heart that had been emotionally hurt, abandoned and rejected as a little girl for that pain to be uprooted, severed and gone.
• She stated how I tried to cover it with all of my personal accomplishments in an effort to be accepted in life.
• She prayed against all unhealthy friendships and relationships that were in my life that were hindering and hurting me.
• She spoke life to my heart and for God to fill the void in my heart with HIS unconditional love and HIS acceptance.
• She spoke supernatural healing to my mind, heart, emotions, body and spirit.

By the time she finished with me, my entire face was wet and swollen.  (I know its not a pretty picture but it was much needed.)  From that point on, I haven't felt abandoned or rejected.

Since that time, I began thanking God every day for the prayer being full-filled in my life.  Even though I wasn't seeing any changes with my natural eyes, I believed the changes were taking place internally.  

Are you curious what has happened since that night?  I accepted a job working in my field and LOVE IT!!  I've LOST 12 pounds!!  I NO LONGER feel abandoned, rejected or a need to have people's approval.  

In the beginning of this post, I stated that after what I experienced today, I had to share my journey.  HERE'S WHAT I EXPERIENCED:  

      Today my pastor, Bishop W.L. Washington preached from St. Luke 13:10-17.  This passage is about a woman who for 18 years had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness) and she was bent completely forward and unable to straighten herself up or to look upward.  After being in this position for 18 years, Jesus laid hands on her and she was instantly healed.  My pastor shared that an infirmity can be physical, mental or emotional.  When Jesus healed the woman it was the Sabbath day, a day of rest and no one was to work.  Jesus healing this woman was seen as wrong by those around.  But Jesus let the people know that He was not wrong for healing this woman and she deserved to be healed.  In other words, HE MADE NO APOLOGY FOR DELIVERING HER.  Then my pastor shared that once God delivers you, its important to stay in a place of deliverance, "HANG LOOSE" and LIFE GETS BETTER.  This very message spoke to my heart, my emotions and my spirit and SEALED what my mother had prayed.  I WAS LOOSED FROM WHAT HELD ME CAPTIVE IN MY HEART, EMOTIONS AND MIND AND MY LIFE IS BETTER!!!!

See Me...In the Flesh

It's been two weeks since my last post and I wait till the day before my 35th birthday to make this post. However, I'm going to be optimistic because this time next year, my photos will BE different.  So, you might ask, "LaWanda, why do it?"


I'm doing this because for me there is no better way to overcome then to put it ALL on the table or in my case, post it on my blog for the world to see.  For years, I have struggled with the way I look in pictures.  Often preferring pictures that were just of my face rather than my entire body.  You often hear people say, if you don't like something than change it.  This is what this post is about.  I'm sharing my test that WILL BE my testimony!


"You're a pretty girl, I don't know why you're single," "You have beautiful eyes and a pretty smile, why are you single?", and from guys I would hear, "You're wifey material (with the dreaded 'but' in their tone)"  These statements turned into a continuous cycle of one thought, "If I'm pretty and have beautiful eyes, a pretty smile and I'm wifey material than the only reason I'm single is because of my weight."  Add on the fact, that an ex-boyfriend once told me to my face that because I had gained quite a bit of weight since we had started dating that I went from being a '10' to a '5'.  Yes I know, DEVASTATING, especially from someone you're in love with.  On the other hand, this became my "carrot in front of the horse" while I was at the gym.  Only problem, I WASN'T DOING IT FOR ME, I WAS DOING IT TO BE ACCEPTED.


What's changed?  This journey to being a healthier woman in mind, body and spirit IS FOR ME!!  I want to be a healthier weight and break the generational curse of diabetes and heart disease.  I want to let go and be completely healed from emotional hurts (read more on this in the future) that evolve into weight issues.


It is with this mindset of healing that I introduce you to ME, IN THE FLESH......

This photo was taken after completing my first 5K marathon, the look on my face says it all... I was beat!

This photo was taken during a girl's weekend celebrating my god-sister's birthday.  I remember thinking I would be enjoying myself so much more if I didn't feel like the biggest one in the crew.

After three years of working a full-time third shift job and going to school full-time during the day, this was one of the happiest days of my life.  However, when I saw this photo and how big I look, I actually got teary-eyed for the wrong reasons.

Right arm as of May 8, 2012

Left arm as of May 8, 2012

           

                            The most dreaded picture, my forbidden fruit, my apple - my stomach as of May 8, 2012

See Me: In Numbers

I have received such positive feedback from my first post and I'm feeling really encouraged during this process.  Thanks to all for the encouragement.  Now it's time for the next step in my transparency: THE NUMBERS (play scary music intro here).


In November 2011, my employer required its employees to undergo a biometric screening and if your results were good in 2 out of 3 areas then you receive a discount on your insurance premiums.  While I was successful in 2 of the 3 areas, I became alarmed about my glucose numbers.  My results showed I was at 115 which is PRE-DIABETIC.  I made a mental note to address this since diabetes runs on both sides of my family.  True to my "putting other things ahead of myself", I didn't address the concern.


Fast forward to April 18, 2012 and my yearly physical and MY NUMBERS DON'T LIE.  I have been officially diagnosed as being pre-diabetic and only a few points from having full-blown diabetes.  My doctor has ordered me to avoid sweets, sodas and to cut my carbs to 25 grams per meal.  For those that know me, when he said cut out sodas all I heard was "CUT OUT PEPSI".  LOL


This time I'm taking it serious, I haven't had a regular soda since and have been watching my carb intake. I haven't had any sugary snacks, which hasn't been as bad as I thought.  My best friend and sister Karla has been extremely supportive and has joined me in a lot of my changes.


While hearing my doctor say I am pre-diabetic upset me emotionally, I also found strength to finally change things. 


See me now... In my numbers:

• 258 pounds (YIKES! That's only 42 pounds away from 300)
• Size 22 women's clothes

Join me next week as I show you the real me IN PHOTOS..... (I know, I can't believe it either!)

The Vision

Since I was a little girl, I knew that I wanted to write.  My desire to write grew into wanting to be a journalist so that's where my educational focus led me.  Once I returned to school to begin obtaining my degree in journalism, I was inspired to create a list of other things that I wanted to accomplish, see and do.  Three years ago I created a personal goal list that included learning to drive (Yes! you read that correctly), learning how to swim, graduating from college, clearing my credit report, purchasing a car, and losing weight.  As of today, I have accomplished all of these EXCEPT losing weight.  I've changed my prospective date to lose weight more times than I can count, so why is this the only goal I can't seem to accomplish?

I realized with the other goals, I had people watching me, cheering me on and wanting me to succeed.  Everyone wanted to hear I was invited to join another honor society and was graduating summa cum laude.  I didn't want to fail for myself and I didn't want to let people down, so what was I missing in my weight loss goal?  ACCOUNTABILITY!  Yeah, my best friend would encourage me to stick with my routine and fight but my crazy schedule and other things in my life always took priority over my goal to lose weight.  So now that I've graduated school and I'm getting ready to start a job in my field, its time to take control of this goal and show the world I CAN DO IT!!

I will use this blog to share my journey to obtaining a healthy life: mind, body & soul.  I will share each struggle and victory.  I will share success stories of my family and friends.  Of course, I want you to share your thoughts as well.  

Join me as I become an open book and invite you to SEE ME NOW........