See Me... Being Inspired

This process of sharing my journey to TOTAL wellness has been a wonderful experience.  Yes, it has been scary at some moments because of my desire to be so transparent (remember the pictures?).  However, the process has also been rewarding.  

Since starting this blog, I have had so many people share their personal journeys and the things that have inspired them.  Several people have started their own blogs after reading my stories.  It's a great thing to know that what started for me as a quest to REMOVE MY MASK and show the world the REAL ME, has become a MOVEMENT FOR TOTAL HEALING.

I will use today's post to share some of the words of encouragement and inspiration that I have received from other people.  Believe me, this is not all.  I will periodically post different ones to share with you.  I hope that as you read each one, you will also find inspiration.

Just to let you know, I do not take these words lightly.  It is these very words that pushed me when I felt like giving up on the elliptical or that stopped me in my tracks when I wanted something sweet that I didn't need.  It is YOUR words that helped me to LOSE 16 POUNDS in 40 DAYS and it will be your words and prayers that will help me to continue.

Enjoy these moments of inspiration...

From Kelley Tucker (co-worker at Cone Health)

My new motto is…’Yes, I can…” and then fill in the blank.

Yes I can do that spin class.

Yes I can walk away from the desserts.

Yes I can learn to like my body.

From Sheila Goodman (godmother)

My prayer is that as you go through this journey that the shalom of God be ever present and that regardless of the hurt you may have endured in the past, that you realize that God loves you so much, that if you were the only person on the face of earth, He would have died solely for you!!!!  Be encouraged and continue fighting the good fight of faith.  "Fear not, LaWanda.  It is the father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom".

From Dawn Martin (co-worker at Cone Health)

I am SO proud of you and admire you so much, LaWanda. What an excellent post.  I also love what you said about making this journey for YOU, not to be "wife material" or to please others. That is the only way we all succeed, to make it about our own personal health and growth as a person. You go, girl. I support you all the way.

From Crystal Greenidge (co-worker at Cone Health)

Hey Girl,

Just wanted to let you know I am SO proud of you. When I transferred to pro-fee in 2008. I remember you not driving at that time and you were in school or in the process of going back. Look at GOD you went from a regular employee(LOL) like me, went to Urgent Care I believe, then became a supervisor, finished your degree and now look at you. Most people can not find a position within their degree-shortly after they graduate—but GOD’s favor over your life. I can imagine how hard it might have been, and can continue to be. I pray and meditate on this often---in spite of myself, shortcomings & issues at times…BUT GOD’s grace & mercy keeps me, especially those tender mercies that are renewed every morning. I just had to stop and give Honor to whom Honor is due!!!

From Dr. Vanessa Cunningham-Ingram (former professor at NC A&T State University)

Thank you for sharing about your captivity and your deliverance. There is power in prayer. I see you now, and look forward to your later.

Blessings!
Leading In Front To Empower Dreamers,
Vanessa 

See Me...Emotionally

I said this blog would be about my journey to wellness-- mind, body and spirit.  I have shared my passage to physical wholeness and after what I experienced today, it is only fitting that I share my recent journey to emotional wholeness.


Since graduating in December 2011, I was anxious to find a job in my field of mass communications.  My prayer had been that I would get a job before graduation and when graduation came and went and I hadn't obtained that job yet, I started to get discouraged.  My family and friends continued to encourage me that it would happen.  Even with all of the encouragement as days turned into weeks and weeks into months and months into more months, I came to a place in my life of unrest.


In addition to that, changes were taking place around me that caused me to feel out of place.  Really close friends were getting jobs or working in their fields, getting married, having babies and starting new relationships, and I was feeling LOST in all of it.


Thanks to my spiritual upbringing I knew to begin to pray; however, I still was in a place of restlessness.  I began to cry myself to sleep, if I could fall to sleep.  I would be in the shower in the morning praying but  even that would end in a cry fest and still NO peace.


This finally turned into FRUSTRATION!!!  I was praying wholeheartedly, urgently and sincerely with NO comfort, MORE questions, and NO peace.  About a month ago, I went to lunch with my god-sister and best friend Karla and I shared with her what was on my heart and two words into sharing I burst into tears in the middle of this restaurant.  (Believe me, it wasn't pretty!)  After sharing with her, she began to encourage me and I felt better but I DIDN'T FEEL FREE.


Later that night I called my mother and a few words into the conversation, I broke down again.  I hadn't finished getting my thoughts out when my mother began encouraging me and then praying FOR me.  It was doing this prayer that I began to feel FREE.  I don't remember word for word the prayer but several things did stand out:

• She commanded the devil to loose his hold on my heart and emotions that made me feel ABANDONED, REJECTED & CONDITIONALLY LOVED.
• She spoke to that place in my heart that had been emotionally hurt, abandoned and rejected as a little girl for that pain to be uprooted, severed and gone.
• She stated how I tried to cover it with all of my personal accomplishments in an effort to be accepted in life.
• She prayed against all unhealthy friendships and relationships that were in my life that were hindering and hurting me.
• She spoke life to my heart and for God to fill the void in my heart with HIS unconditional love and HIS acceptance.
• She spoke supernatural healing to my mind, heart, emotions, body and spirit.

By the time she finished with me, my entire face was wet and swollen.  (I know its not a pretty picture but it was much needed.)  From that point on, I haven't felt abandoned or rejected.

Since that time, I began thanking God every day for the prayer being full-filled in my life.  Even though I wasn't seeing any changes with my natural eyes, I believed the changes were taking place internally.  

Are you curious what has happened since that night?  I accepted a job working in my field and LOVE IT!!  I've LOST 12 pounds!!  I NO LONGER feel abandoned, rejected or a need to have people's approval.  

In the beginning of this post, I stated that after what I experienced today, I had to share my journey.  HERE'S WHAT I EXPERIENCED:  

      Today my pastor, Bishop W.L. Washington preached from St. Luke 13:10-17.  This passage is about a woman who for 18 years had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness) and she was bent completely forward and unable to straighten herself up or to look upward.  After being in this position for 18 years, Jesus laid hands on her and she was instantly healed.  My pastor shared that an infirmity can be physical, mental or emotional.  When Jesus healed the woman it was the Sabbath day, a day of rest and no one was to work.  Jesus healing this woman was seen as wrong by those around.  But Jesus let the people know that He was not wrong for healing this woman and she deserved to be healed.  In other words, HE MADE NO APOLOGY FOR DELIVERING HER.  Then my pastor shared that once God delivers you, its important to stay in a place of deliverance, "HANG LOOSE" and LIFE GETS BETTER.  This very message spoke to my heart, my emotions and my spirit and SEALED what my mother had prayed.  I WAS LOOSED FROM WHAT HELD ME CAPTIVE IN MY HEART, EMOTIONS AND MIND AND MY LIFE IS BETTER!!!!

See Me...In the Flesh

It's been two weeks since my last post and I wait till the day before my 35th birthday to make this post. However, I'm going to be optimistic because this time next year, my photos will BE different.  So, you might ask, "LaWanda, why do it?"


I'm doing this because for me there is no better way to overcome then to put it ALL on the table or in my case, post it on my blog for the world to see.  For years, I have struggled with the way I look in pictures.  Often preferring pictures that were just of my face rather than my entire body.  You often hear people say, if you don't like something than change it.  This is what this post is about.  I'm sharing my test that WILL BE my testimony!


"You're a pretty girl, I don't know why you're single," "You have beautiful eyes and a pretty smile, why are you single?", and from guys I would hear, "You're wifey material (with the dreaded 'but' in their tone)"  These statements turned into a continuous cycle of one thought, "If I'm pretty and have beautiful eyes, a pretty smile and I'm wifey material than the only reason I'm single is because of my weight."  Add on the fact, that an ex-boyfriend once told me to my face that because I had gained quite a bit of weight since we had started dating that I went from being a '10' to a '5'.  Yes I know, DEVASTATING, especially from someone you're in love with.  On the other hand, this became my "carrot in front of the horse" while I was at the gym.  Only problem, I WASN'T DOING IT FOR ME, I WAS DOING IT TO BE ACCEPTED.


What's changed?  This journey to being a healthier woman in mind, body and spirit IS FOR ME!!  I want to be a healthier weight and break the generational curse of diabetes and heart disease.  I want to let go and be completely healed from emotional hurts (read more on this in the future) that evolve into weight issues.


It is with this mindset of healing that I introduce you to ME, IN THE FLESH......

This photo was taken after completing my first 5K marathon, the look on my face says it all... I was beat!

This photo was taken during a girl's weekend celebrating my god-sister's birthday.  I remember thinking I would be enjoying myself so much more if I didn't feel like the biggest one in the crew.

After three years of working a full-time third shift job and going to school full-time during the day, this was one of the happiest days of my life.  However, when I saw this photo and how big I look, I actually got teary-eyed for the wrong reasons.

Right arm as of May 8, 2012

Left arm as of May 8, 2012

           

                            The most dreaded picture, my forbidden fruit, my apple - my stomach as of May 8, 2012